Fun with dialogue

As I mentioned yesterday, the Dicing with Dialogue session was probably my favourite of the whole weekend (although in the face of some strong opposition). One of the fun things we had to do was pick a topic from a list and write our own dialogue-based scene leading on from it. Tutor Michael Malone gave us the choice of four scenarios, or a whole sheet of hilarious examples from websites like, featuring various gaffes and foot-in-mouth moments from around the world. I chose one of the latter, which just seemed like a gift:

Overheard, Primark in Hammersmith this evening, young woman on mobile phone, in a serious and mildly irritated tone: “So who are you gonna pimp me to?”

And here’s my take on that, in pretty much the state it was when I read it out:

Chrissie tapped one magenta fingernail against the clothes rail. So much for her afternoon of retail therapy, even if it was just Primark. “So, who are you gonna pimp me to?”

Morgan sounded muffled, as though he had his phone crammed between shoulder and chin. Probably perming some old dear’s hair even as he spoke. “Look, it’s just for one night, babe. You just go in and…”

“Yeah, but he could be a fucking axe murderer for all I know. What did Steve say about him again?”

“Just that he’s okay. It’s a business thing, babe, that’s all. Just one night. It’ll be fine.”

“Do I at least get to know his fucking name?”

“Steve said something like Darren. Or do I mean Darius?”

“You mean you don’t even know?” She blew her gum out and popped it with her tongue. “Well, screw that. I am not fucking around with some complete stranger if I don’t even know his name.”

“Hang on.” Faint scrabbling noises echoed down the phone. “I had a Post-It note… Where’s that gone? Ah. Got it. It’s Dario. Dario Carrera. And he’s rich, babe. Owns a football club in San Marino, Steve said.”

She moved her gum to the other cheek. “Like I care about fucking football. I’ll do it, Morgan, but this is the last time. You can get someone besides your sister to do your dirty work next time.”


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