A bit of a joke

lastwordcoverI promised ages ago to post a snippet from ‘Snow Joke’, the story released a few weeks back in the Last Word anthology from Joyride Press.  And, er, I forgot.  So, having now re-inserted my brain, here’s the excerpt at last.  Apologies for the delay – I hope it was worth the wait!

“You know, walk. Put one bleedin’ leg in front of the other. You’ve got legs, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, keep your hair on, I know what walking is. But how are we supposed to carry stuff back? Won’t be worth taking much. I’m not wading through three feet of snow with a load of tellies on my back.”

Stu paused and sucked a knuckle. He’d grazed it the other night pasting some bloke who’d come on to Trish in the Spotted Dog, and it was still giving him grief. It was his own fault; Trish was a stunner and you could hardly blame the opposition for getting hooked. Dead from the waist down, they’d have to be, not to eye up her particular brand of assets – assets that he himself had paid to have enhanced. “So we take the van nearer where we’re going and walk the rest,” he said at last. “Even you can manage that.”

“I dunno, mate, the roads are going to be hell. Why are you so worked up about this anyway? It’s not like we can’t wait a few weeks.”

He sucked his knuckle again. Benny was being difficult, and would have to be placated with the truth. “If you must know I’m a bit skint. That op for Trish didn’t come cheap – I’m still paying off the bill and I’ve got nothing left. I can’t even buy my own wife a pressie for Christmas. So are you in or not?”

“Yeah, all right, I’m in. Just remind me again what Trish’s friend said.”

“Trish said Gail said Brian said that it was all down to health and safety. Said word had come down from the top brass – they’re not allowed to respond to call-outs when it snows. Trish said did that mean you could get away with murder whenever the roads are bad and Gail said ‘more or less’. Think about it, Benny. If they can’t come out, they can’t nab you if some bugger dials 999. We could do half the houses on that posh new estate and no one would ever know.”

Benny stamped his feet up and down, crunching the snow beneath his size twelve boots. “I’ll get the van keys,” he said.

Don’t forget you can find the rest of the story in Last Word, available on Amazon with all proceeds going to the Nation Inside charity.  There are eleven stories and it’s currently only £1.99 – so beat the snow and grab yourself a good read now.

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