Spot the elephant

4489d07754dfd9008d2bde215a2b4f99It’s about time I shared a little bit of my latest story, ‘Tuning the Old Joanna’, which hit the streets in Crime Syndicate magazine at the beginning of the month.  It’s a tongue-in-cheek tale which could well be sub-titled ‘never mind the wife, what about my piano!’.

I could hear the sound of the piano from the dining room. The door was closed, but vague musical crashes and thumps echoed through the wood. What the hell was going on? 

I burst through that door like a rampaging bull and caught them red-handed – and red-cheeked. They were at it, of course, but I hadn’t expected they’d be using Great Aunt Sally’s piano as a prop.  Joanna was shoved back over the keyboard with her tits hanging out of her frilly blouse and the bloke was banging away between her legs. The music they were making was anything but sweet. Grunts, groans, the scrape of clothing on polished wood, and that endless clash of disharmonic notes. 

I saw red too. “You fucking morons, that’s a valuable family heirloom,” I yelled at the exact same moment they realised I was there. Both of them leaped about six feet in the air and came down again with a thump of jangled piano strings that reverberated throughout the house.

They recovered fast enough, I’ll give them that. Joanna stuffed her tits away and the bloke pulled back, tidying his todger inside his pants and smoothing down his hair.

“Oh, Roy, what are you doing back from work?” Joanna said with a pout. I could see her stupid brain working overtime to come up with an explanation. “This is George. He’s here to… to… to tune the piano!”

There’s a genuine Tess Makovesky elephant hidden somewhere in this story, too.  Extra brownie points if you can tell me where.  And if you haven’t yet treated yourself to a copy of the magazine, which is bursting with seven other stories as well as this one, then you can find it on Amazon for only $6.99.  Happy elephant hunting!

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