Dumb criminals strike again

couch-sleepingMy faith in the underside of human nature was restored the other day by this daft little tale about a burglar high on drink and drugs, who broke into someone’s house and fell asleep on their sofa.

The home owner, not surprisingly, was a bit shocked when they got back and found him there.  When they confronted him, he was still so groggy he managed to give away his name and age… and seems to have been surprised when the home owner tracked him down on Facebook and tipped off the police.

Best of all is the judge’s comment that “You must rank very high in the scale of incompetency of burglars.” Clearly a man with a sense of humour – but not enough to let the dozy burglar off.  He got a 12 month suspended sentence, not to mention a whole lot of embarrassment!

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Truth is odder than fiction

You really couldn’t make this stuff up.  In order to save money, Leicestershire Police decided to only respond to half the burglaries reported to them.  But instead of applying some arcane mathematical model to decide the do’s from the don’ts, they kept it simple.  If the house number was even, they turned up.  If it was odd, they didn’t.

This was, apparently, a pilot scheme and the force has now returned to a policy of responding to all reported burglaries, having found the system had no effect on either public satisfaction or crime rates.  While it lasted, it must have been hard cheese on anyone living at number 241, if effective enough in its own way.  What it says about police funding in the 21st century is another matter.

Head over heels…

…but not with love.  This chap got himself stuck in a window while trying to break into student accommodation at Nottingham University, and wasn’t discovered for five hours.  The two students who found him thought he was another undergraduate who’d got drunk or tried to get through the window for a lark.  But once the emergency services had finished extricating him, he was charged with attempted burglary and led firmly off to the nearest police station.  A case of ‘look before you leap’, perhaps?

UK’s dumbest criminal #2

It’s time for another entry in my occasional series on dumb criminals – and this one takes some beating. According to this article in The Guardian, he chose another house in the same street he lives on to burgle. Then he forgot to check whether there was anyone at home. There was; the home-owner was in the property at the time and disturbed the burglar, who ran off empty handed. So empty handed, in fact, that he left behind the can of lager he’d been drinking from when he broke in… complete with his fingerprints and full DNA profile.

If I put that in a story, nobody would believe me!