Enjoy the Trip, a twisted little tale about the dangers inherent in slipping on discarded banana skins, is available to read in online crime/noir magazine Shotgun Honey. See my earlier post for more details.
There are some dumb criminals out there, but these two would take some beating – they burgled a house, stole from a car, then stopped a police officer to ask for directions to the train station. While, presumably, the stolen goods were on their persons.
It’s a wonderful idea for a story, but I’m left with the burning question “why”? Which might be an even better idea for a story.
Does anyone else have any wonderful tales of idiocy amongst the criminal ranks? I’d love to hear them if you do!
Somebody’s been reading my stories, or at the very least my blog posts. According to this news item, Birmingham now tops the league table for the highest number of ‘crash for cash’ scams anywhere in the country, along with Bradford.
I was relieved to see that the suburb I used as a location for my recent story didn’t appear on the list, so at least I can’t be accused of anything nefarious myself. One or two weren’t that far away, though. So, am I psychic? Have I caught the wave of a new crime phenomenon? Or is Birmingham just a crime-ridden hell-hole that’s likely to top any crime statistics league? I’ll leave you lot to decide.
I did a double-take when I saw this news item about Birmingham City Council handing out free cannabis scratch-and-sniff cards on one of its council estates (the rather aptly named Druids Heath).
Good grief, I thought. Are they trying to turn everyone into an addict, then raise some much-needed revenue by selling them the drugs?
Actually it’s a good deal more sensible than that. The cards contain no actual cannabis, and are simply there to familiarise local people with the smell of growing hemp, so that they can identify illegal cannabis farms and ‘shop’ them to the police.
Neat idea. All the same, I wonder how long it’ll be before some drugs gang gets the idea of replicating the cards using real grass, or worse, in order to benefit from the subsequent rise in addiction. Or is that just my nasty mind at work again?
Here’s another daft little sheep story, this time from the Westmorland Gazette: an air ambulance pilot who put his helicopter down on pasture land near Kirkstone Pass, only to be surrounded by a whole flock of the woolly blighters.
The article says he employed “down to earth shepherding skills” to shoo them away; but I have visions of him having to fight them off with a bargepole in order to get to the injured person he was there to treat.
Sheep can of course be terminally curious – I’ve often seen them standing in the middle of a lane in order to watch a car – but normally I’d have expected them to be terrified of the noise of the chopper blades. I’d love to know what caused them to run towards this particular helicopter rather than away from it. Perhaps the pilot disguised himself as a hay bale?
… queueing for twenty minutes in the supermarket, only for the next till along to open the second the assistant starts scanning your items.
The first issue of this brand new crime magazine has just hit the streets, and very good it looks too. Nice ‘pulp’ style cover, a mix of fiction and articles, and stories by some of the big names in the genre: Thuglit editor Todd Robinson, king of Brit-grit Paul D Brazill to name just two. As the editors themselves say, “All Due Respect and your eyes: a combination even better than doughnuts and coffee.” Although I might pass on the doughnuts, thanks. Bit too stodgy for my liking.
Sticky buns aside, if you want to get your mitts on a copy of the magazine the digital version is already available on Amazon. Print version to follow soon. More details (of the zine, if not the doughnuts) at the All Due Respect website.
Not literally, of course. Now that would be a story. But after the problems I was having with my noir night bus story the other day, I’m delighted to say that I finally kicked the thing into submission. Finished it, edited, polished, rewrote a few bits, and have sent it off to the market I wrote it for. With five whole days to spare. Phew.
Let’s just hope it reaches the right stop along the line…